Thursday, June 05, 2014

An early sun

I had a vision how to write An Early Sun as a threeliner:

an early sun
frying up our old moon

Another version, an too early sun peeped straight into my sleepy eyes. Warm enough. A blackbird is busy to feed its babies:

An early sun
watching the blackbird
eating an early worm


Bill said...

A friendly suggestion:

first sunlight
the blackbird eating
an early worm

You don't need "watching" since that is implied. And the repetition of "early" doesn't contribute enough to justify itself. Nice moment.

Tikkis said...

Thanks Bill!

Here is the reality:

I was sitting by my computer, eating my porridge...

This early sun is for me a problem. It's too early, now, a couple months. In Northern Finland you cannot use the term first sunlight. It's all the time up there.

A couple years ago I visited my friend up there, and went forward to visit Norway & Barents Sea. My friend asked when I'll return. I didn't got an idea, and stupidly answered: - Before dark. My friend nodded, said: July 27th.

It was early June.

Cloudy sky
letting people sleep
a while